Ya, if you're over 30.. NOT WHEN YOU'RE 2!!
Yesterday's nap time was louder than Brazil and Mexico's FIFA match today.
Berlin has always been a wonderful sleeper, better than the other two kids but this past week we transitioned her into a toddler bed and Oh LORDY "YA'LL GONE MAKE ME LOSE MY MIND!"
It's been exhausting.
Usually the routine goes a little something like this-
We lay her down, we give her "Tony" which is her naked, bald doll that she named after one of our friend's then give her HER "Bayket" (her favorite one) then she falls asleep. Done.
Mamma is happy and mamma has some quiet time. Usually with a cup of coffee.<3
IMPORTANT RULE: If anyone messes with me during Berlin's nap time they are usually reprimanded and sent outside or in their rooms. I'm talking about the 4 legged kids and the 2 legged ones as well.
Like I said it all started with change/transition.
Apparently Berlin hates transition. She does't do well with change. She is not having it.
She must be a lot like her dad because I usually gracefully accept change:) (this is a lie)
I put her down yesterday. She got back up. I put her down. She kicked the door. I put her down. She tried to swing at me. I put her down. She threw Tony at me. I put her down. She threw a shoe at me. (Apparently Berlin has a little stash of shoes under her pillow)
Needless to say it was a nightmare. There were tears, tantrums and ungliness.. and that's just me.
Berlin was also crying, as expected, but she's 2, not 35. I literally felt like a failure. All because I couldn't get my 2 year old to nap. I seriously felt helpless.
Did I mention I felt like a failure? Just making sure you are with me on this.
It was so bad.
I tried to pray because I didn't know what else to do. I prayed a lot. Cried and then prayed some more.
AND... do you know what God told me??
He had the nerve to tell me I act like this when I'm in transition! PSHH! I was like.. "WHAAA?" "UMM NO I DON'T!"
I do not throw tantrums when God is asking me to do something different than I've always done. I do not kick and scream when he asks me to change. Hello? Do you know who I am? I am a Proverbs 31 woman! HELLOO?? Doesn't that mean anything to you GOD?????
Once the denial wore off I was able to see maybe a little similarity.
I love Berlin. I know she's grown out of her crib. I know that her new toddler bed grows with her into a twin size bed. The crib is for babies and she's not a baby. She is a big girl. There is this brand new soft bed that all she has to do is EMBRACE it and she will love it. Why go back to the crib girl? You are outgrowing the crib... The crib has walls, it locks you in!! The new bed is elegant it's beautiful. It lets you go in and out as you please. It was made just for you! Trust mama- it's better.
I sometimes cage myself in by my own prison walls... fear, anxiety, co-dependency.. (just to name a few) and I get stuck. I get stuck a lot. I try to be free and do want to change but when God says to "Move in to the toddler bed" I get scared. I don't want to move because I don't know the "Toddler bed" I do however, know the crib. It's small and cozy and has all the right dings and dents just enough for it to feel comfortable. Just enough to cage me in.
We ask God for change, I mean we PRAY for change, we pray for a miracle in our lives to have that freedom that abandoned, reckless faith that would move the mountains of despair in our lives... but when God asks us for just a little bit of uncomfortableness, WE FREAK OUT and get mad at HIM!!
Like... How you gonna tell God.. "I'm uncomfortable. I can't do it." Do you even know the sacrifice that He went through so we could have complete freedom. And, If you don't...
google the word Jesus, or Cross.. ya you get it right?
For the love of God- I DON'T WANT TO STAY IN THE CRIB.
I may kick and scream but Lord have your way in me. Be patient with my tantrums and ungratefulness.
I so desire to grow.
But, we all know growing means growing pains, it means change. It means things will have to get uncomfortable for a while. THEY GET UGLY!
That's just part of the refining process. Don't be scared of it. Embrace it and take it all in. God, your father loves you so much that He isn't willing for you to stay a baby!
I'm not sure what that thing is for you... but I know what mine is. And, as I write this I'm still freaking out a little.. but know I need to embrace the change so I can grow into who God wants me to be.
All for His Glory.
What I've learned are these kind of growing pains are just temporary...
that is until he wants us to grow some more.
"Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."
Philippians 1:6
Camille (Out)
Berlin asleep with Tony during today's a little less stressful nap time
No comments:
Post a Comment